lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
