Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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