I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Found the puke drawer
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
