East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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