Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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