I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
