Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
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