Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
