Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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