i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize