Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
