it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
