I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i dont even know how to be here
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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