just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize