I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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