Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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