I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
