her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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