eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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