There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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