My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
