you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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