so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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