i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
