The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
