dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
