there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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