I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
