there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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