I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
