Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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