You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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