Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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