She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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