I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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