You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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