yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
