I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
