Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
