Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
