I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
