Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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