Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
