she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
