meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
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I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
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I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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