How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
