at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
