I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Too much gin, very little bucket
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
