Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
