I heard we made out
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
