Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
