??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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