I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
