By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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