First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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