It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
