After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
