I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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